u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
