You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
