Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
