I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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