I just cut my nipple shaving
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
