i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
