I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
