cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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