Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
