Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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