I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
