He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
