just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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