hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
