chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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