alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
