omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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