its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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