I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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