you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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