3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
