Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
