I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
