she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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