I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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