9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
