why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
