apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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