Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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