Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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