my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
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