Tell her she can't have a vagina
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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