ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
