If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
