Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
