my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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