You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
