Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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