okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
