I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
