anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
