finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
