You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
