Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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