just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
even my farts smell like vagina
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
