He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
