There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
