just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
