its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
