there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dicks are not precious.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
