he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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