I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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