Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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