yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
