If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
