We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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