I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
