lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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