all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He did a backflip because drugs
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
