He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
