can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
