trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
