dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Randomize
