Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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