i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
