I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
