You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
