3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
