i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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