I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
