I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
its not stalking. its research.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
