just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
