it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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