There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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