I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize