I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize