Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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