Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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