I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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