note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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