So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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