I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Dignity is for republicans.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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