Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
