your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
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